So there is this part of me that always finds what’s wrong with everything. I don’t take the time out to enjoy what I’m doing at that moment. There is an awake meditation that surfaces at some points where I feel like I’m in a movie. I want to live like a movie. The stifling feeling that I normally encounter is synonymous with robotic movements. That’s when your Tuesday’s and Fridays come and go and you can’t remember what happened that day. That’s why I’ve started this blog. I want to venture out but sometimes being an introvert prohibits that. Social anxiety is a real thing. I’m not a doctor so I don’t know if that’s the right diagnosis. I don’t even know why things have to be diagnosed.
I’m doing this blog to experience life as a Black Female from Brooklyn. This is to have an outlet to document something from my life which may be erased (cause you know how the internet gets).
There was a paragraph here that I erased because I started this post in September and it is now November. Things changed.
Today, November 13, 2018, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. At age 36. It still hasn’t hit me fully but I know I should be upset or angry or sad or something but I honestly don’t feel anything. I’ve even found that when I’ve cried, it was because of the word “Cancer” and I know that it has killed a lot of people, but to know that I have something that a lot of people are scared of, and to feel nothing? This can’t be right. Well, let’s see where this new journey takes me.